‘I had strange side effects from my medication. Then I grabbed my roommate in my bathroom.’

As told to Ann Degrey

I have known Amy* my roommate for many years; he’s my cousin’s best friend, and when he moved to brisbane, i needed someone to help pay the rent, so it was natural to let him live with me. We got along really well, and it was really nice to have someone I could trust in the house, especially since I’ve been dealing with anxiety for a long time.

My medicine had been my life. My pills it helped me control the horrible emotions that used to overwhelm me, so I never thought I’d have reason to question anything about it.

I have struggled with crippling anxiety for as long as I can remember. When I was a child, I was always worried, always hiding behind my mother and afraid to go to school. As I got older, my anxiety got worse. Constant anxiety, racing thoughts, and those horrible feelings became my daily routine. It was very exhausting, and my anxiety affected every aspect of my life—my job, my relationships, even my ability to do simple things like grocery shopping. and a week. I also found it very difficult to maintain a relationship, as any man I’ve been with couldn’t deal with my nervousness or thought I was weird.

Check out: Lifestyle tries to help with anxiety. The post continues after the video.

When I finally went to a specialist and got the right medication, it felt like a weight had been lifted in so many ways. For the first time in years, I felt able to breathe freely again. The constant stress eased, and I was able to focus on life instead of fumbling around like I had been living.

I felt like myself again, and my life slowly began to improve. I could meet friends without that constant fear, and even small tasks no longer seemed like big obstacles. I could do anything, shop, play games, meet friends and cope with the office with ease. Getting the right treatment was a lifesaver, so when I noticed my symptoms coming back, I was devastated. My anxiety came back, and I couldn’t understand why. Maybe I needed stronger medicine?

The relief I had was fading, and I couldn’t understand why. At first, I thought it was just a bad week. However, I didn’t understand it because the pills had been working so well. It wasn’t like I was doing anything different—I was taking them as directed, sticking to my schedule, but I felt myself getting older. It was as if all the progress I had made was falling apart—until I found out what was going on.

It was just the other afternoon that I caught Amy in our shared bathroom, fumbling with my pill bottle.

“What are you doing with my medicine?” I asked. He immediately looked guilty but tried to brush it off, saying he was just shaking it. But I wasn’t buying it. I pressed him, and finally, he admitted, “I’ve been taking some of your pills.”

He told me that he was worried that he too had anxiety and thought that maybe my medication would help him. To make up for what he had taken, he replaced my anxiety pills with regular headache tablets, hoping I wouldn’t notice. So he left me with a placebo – no wonder my medicine wasn’t working if I was given headache medicine.

“I can’t believe that you are messing with my benefits. You know how much I need them!” He looked very sheepish and didn’t look me in the eye.

“I’m sorry… I thought maybe it would help me too. I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

His reason was that he was curious, and while I understand how it feels to struggle with anxiety, that didn’t make what he did right.. Sending someone else’s medicine is dangerous, and it puts my life at risk. I couldn’t wrap my head around this behavior. Also, why the hell can’t she go to her doctor like me?

Listen to No Filter where Mia Freedman is joined by Dr Jodie Lowinger to talk about how anxiety develops, what causes it and what people can do to treat it. The post continues after the podcast.

I was very angry with him. At that moment, I knew there was no fixing this. Trust was gone, especially when it came to something as personal and important as health. If he messed with my anxiety meds, I wondered what else he could do after me?

After that, I knew I couldn’t live with him anymore. I asked him to leave, and he asked me to forgive him and let him stay, but I stood firm. There was no way I wanted someone like him to live in my house.

*Name has been changed for privacy reasons.

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but remains anonymous for privacy reasons.

If you think you or someone you know has depression or another mental health problem, please contact your GP. If you live in Australia, 24 hour support is available at Lines in 13 11 14 or beyond the blue on 1300 22 4636.

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